damnlocal.sg - for all residents of Jurong West

I know it's a weird thread title but let me explain what I mean.

My best friend and I wanted to open a cafe so we were doing research on the kind of food other cafes or restaurants serve. In the process, we found so many ridiculous food items that were obviously made for attention but not for the convenience of the person actually eating them.

COVID hit and we had to postpone our plans for a cafe. However, my collection of terrible cafe food items remains on my laptop and I wish to share them with you.

Cafe owner: Eh you know ah, broccoli feels too healthy. That's why not many people order. We have to make it look less healthy.
Cafe chef: I can deep fry la. Then add a lot of salt and sauce.
Cafe owner: No no no not unhealthy enough. It should actively harm the diners.
Cafe chef: Okay I got idea.




Owner: Eh bro as you know ah, we are a restaurant that overcharges customers by 800%. But how can we make them feel like every bit of their dining experience is worth the price?
Chef: Okay I got idea.



Owner: Eh bro. Our cafe not cool enough.
Chef: Okay I got idea.

Owner: Eh my girlfriend cheated on me.
Chef: That sucks! Who's the guy she cheated with?
Owner: Just some guy who likes to order takeaway food often. Now I really hate people who order takeaway food.
Chef: Okay I got idea.



Owner: Eh you know how other cafes like to advertise their food as "farm to table"? 
Chef: Uh huh.
Owner: Can we go one step further? We're not just "farm to table" but we're the ****ing farm. Our diners should feel like they live on the farm.
Chef: Okay idea lai liao.



Owner: Eh we need to cut costs. Not enough profit.
Chef: Okay I got idea.

(03-12-2021, 04:49 PM)Icicle Wrote: [ -> ]Owner: Eh my girlfriend cheated on me.
Chef: That sucks! Who's the guy she cheated with?
Owner: Just some guy who likes to order takeaway food often. Now I really hate people who order takeaway food.
Chef: Okay I got idea.

The pasta served on a table is really something else. I bet it's super overpriced as well.

Please tell me you have more to share.

(03-12-2021, 04:25 PM)Icicle Wrote: [ -> ]

This is the most ridiculous one. W...why?

(03-12-2021, 04:49 PM)Icicle Wrote: [ -> ]

I hate this trend of serving food on a shovel so much. Just give me a plate la.

(04-12-2021, 02:30 PM)ghettomotto Wrote: [ -> ]

(03-12-2021, 04:49 PM)Icicle Wrote: [ -> ]

I hate this trend of serving food on a shovel so much. Just give me a plate la.

Lol barbed wire, shovel, skateboard...anything but a plate.

 omg these food items are so silly.
the food on the ipad is the silliest!

(03-12-2021, 04:25 PM)Icicle Wrote: [ -> ]

lol that's certainly not a great way to encourage more people to eat broccoli

(03-12-2021, 04:49 PM)Icicle Wrote: [ -> ]Owner: Eh my girlfriend cheated on me.
Chef: That sucks! Who's the guy she cheated with?
Owner: Just some guy who likes to order takeaway food often. Now I really hate people who order takeaway food.
Chef: Okay I got idea.

HAHA this is probably the ONLY explanation for why a cafe would choose to serve a slice of cake with a cup of drinks in this manner for their takeaway customers. 

Looks pretty but zero convenience. WHY????